Episode Two

So let's see. B had some sort of movie thing, so he wasn't there. We left the monastery and went to check on the kobold in the tree, but it wasn't there. Looked like someone had freed it. We went back to town and went to see the wizardess (Tess). Her kitty answered the door (Tori) and it was four feet tall! Tess was one foot tall. It was cute. We discussed what it would take for her to identify some stuff and decided it was prohibitively expensive, so we convinced Forn to taste the mystery potion (since ilmarinen wasn't there to refuse! ha ha!) and according to the DM it tasted, "Sweet... and like your tongue feels a little healthier!" Then she told us to come back later when Viraa was around so he could tell us where the cave was. Oh and we showed her the silver necklaces with the black stones and she told us to see a cleric named Elena at the chapel. Tess told us to be careful, because Elena is "really uptight." (She's also six feet tall- hot!) I think at this point Forn disappeared into the tavern with what looked like something that was barely passing as a human female but which we think might have in actuality been a neon orange centipede. Whatever it was, we didn't see him for a couple of days and ilmarinen might have to make a saving throw against VD when he gets back. Anyway, they said Bogdina had to bring up the rear and not speak (Ray does all the talking if any tact need be involved). So we showed Elena the necklaces and chalice, and she said they ought to be destroyed. She didn't really seem to have that much information. She just insisted that her paladin buddy Erin (or Aaron, or Ayerawn, who knows?) had cleared out all the undead (yeah right) and that the cultists worshiped Vechna. So then we talked it over, and determined that since neither the necklaces nor the chalice were magical we should just sell them for gold instead of destroying them.

Anyway, we went to see the jeweler and got a bunch of stuff appraised, and then we sold all the necklaces, and tried to sell the chalice but couldn't get a price for it that was easily divisible by three (Lepidoptra tried to haggle but was severely shot down by the jeweler) so we decided to hang onto it a while longer.

So then we went back to Tess' house, and this time Tori was normally sized and Tess was as big as a human. Her druid friend Viraa was there with his wolf companion named Eeyore-Yeti or Aeorti or something like that. I tried to pet the wolf. It eyed me suspiciously but tolerated it. Viraa told us that he hadn't actually gone into the cave because he didn't like dark, wet holes, and I perked up and said quite cheerfully, "THAT'S what I got thrown out of Dwarven society for!!!!" Everyone was sufficiently disgusted. Then Viraa agreed to take us to the cave at 4 in the morning. So... yeah, we went to sleep and he took us to the cave in the morning. He told us that he saw at least five kobolds go in, and then he went back to town or whatever it is druids do during the day when they're not escorting adventurers about.

DM: You walk into the cave, and it's made of stone...
Bogdina: Can I stonecunning anything?!
DM: In fact, you instantly know that you are 80 feet underground.
Bogdina: Sweet!
DM: Ok, you also see the tracks for a mine car leading down a square shaft.
Ray: Can we ride the mine car?!
DM: No! It's just the tracks! There's no mine car!
Bogdina: Are there any other tunnels? Or is it just the shaft.
DM: Just the shaft.
Bogdina: Ok, we enter the shaft!
DM: The shaft is long and hard...
Bogdina: Are we getting any deeper?
DM: The shaft goes very far down.

Walking down the shaft we started to discuss Ray's dagger, which we hadn't gotten identified in town.

Me: Maybe you should stab something with it! Then we might be able to figure out what it does.
DM: Unless it's cursed! And then you'll be cursed!
Me: Um... yeah.
Ray: Can I stab a rat?! [There were rats scurrying around]
DM: Yes. It dies.
Ray: I have a rat on a dagger!
Mothra: Do you want me to light a fire?
Bogdina: On the rat?!
Ray and Mothra: NO! To roast the rat!
DM: What did the rat die of?

DM: You reach the end of the shaft. There's a large hole here, about one and a half feet in diameter.
T looks meaningfully at E
E starts shaking her head
DM: You believe you can stuff the halfling through the hole.
hilarity

In the end Bogdina looked in the hole with her darkvision and spiders jumped out at her. We killed them, and then the halfling went in the hole. And I forget what she did in the hole, so... damn. Anyway, we went and explored the cave some more. Found a couple of snakes that the chaotic good and chaotic neutral character had no compunctions about sneak attacking, but that the true neutral cleric didn't want to attack. They were guarding a pool! I was convinced there was a nymph in it, but there were just cave fish and crawdaddies in it. Still, pincers- bonus! Bogdina went swimming and found a backpack with some stuff in it, including what would later be revealed to be a magic missile wand.

Then we found a huge hole next to a pillar (to tie the rope around for easy climbing down), so we argued about who was going down into the hole, and then the DM tried to explain the concept that "bigger bosses live deeper down." Ray refused to go down the hole until we finished the current level, so I think that's when we ran into the RUS's, but when we searched their bodies all we found was rat tails.

Then we went down the hole and explored some more, and we saw something sort of reptilian fishing, so we had Ray talk to it in Draconic, which didn't really go so well, as it just started hissing about "filthy humans" (to which Bogdina and Lepidoptra immediately replied, "we're not humans!") and stinking and we lost our surprise advantage (also, today's newbie adventurer lesson was obviously "saving throws" It was cute.). Also, searching the body turned up nothing. We did find some "starflowers" on the other side of the pool the reptile was fishing in. Apparently they glow in the dark? I don't know, I just picked one for just in case. So then we finally found another couple of reptiles things, and one of them had brightly colored scales and said, "How dare you enter my lair?!" Ha ha! Boss level! And! Ray reminded me to fly into a rage! Good times, except I kept rolling shit for attack rolls (in all fairness Lepidoptra was almost completely useless in combat tonight, though she did an excellent job of tallying and dividing loot. Still, fly like a butterfly and sting like a OH WAIT SHE MISSED AGAIN!!) Then I fell unconscious and Ray had to heal me. Then I rolled a 20 and that was that. We got great stuff though! I got a brand new throwing axe!

So... oh, and we ran into a zombie on the way back to town, and I tried to test my new throwing axe but I accidentally threw it into a tree, but turns out that Lepidoptera had picked up a +1 sword.

Ok! Back in town. It was like 2 am so we went to the tavern, and when I asked DM if there were any ladies, he said, "Yes! Two of them! and..." rolls "14 men!" I tried to impress them with my charisma, but no luck, and then DM let me roll for halter-top failure, and I rolled a 17! But... they weren't wearing halter tops, just boring peasant clothes. So then we just went to sleep. Next morning, went to see Tess and showed her all the stuff we got, but she was still trying to charge us a bunch to Identify stuff. Lepidoptera tried to haggle with her, and meanwhile Bogdina just continues to hold out stuff stupidly. "Oh, hey," she says, "We got this starflower!" Tess was IMMENSELY pleased that we'd brought her a starflower and said that in exchange she'd Identify two items for free, but that she didn't have that spell today so could we come back at noon tomorrow? (Note: later on boggit made fun of me for hitting on the "solution" so randomly; because in the cave it was like, oh look, I think I'll just pick this up, oh hey, Tess, look what we found! and not, hm, Tess likes flowers, so perhaps we should bring her this specimen! Or, as T put it, "give them tab A and slot B and they say, 'OW! my eye!'"). So then we went to see the tavernmaster, who was well-pleased and gave us our reward of 100 gp each, plus a promise of half-price room and board whenever we needed, plus he told me he'd hook me up with some ladies. DM had me roll for 1d4-1 ladies and then had me roll a touch on each of them; so, essentially, I GOT TO ROLL TO DO TWO CHICKS AT ONCE. I failed both touch checks, though. Anyway, next day Tess identified the wand and a ring we found on the brood mother, and told us that Elena was upset because her temple had been desecrated. She looked waaaay too pleased, and Ray (diplomatic as ever) got it out of her that Tess thinks Elena is too uptight and needs to get laid. I immediately wanted to run over and be REALLY helpful to Elena, but Ray nipped that in the bud and said he wanted to talk to her first, and that I needed to go keep an eye on the halfling while she exchanged some of the loot for gold. Aaaand... yeah, then we went to the chapel, and I was super helpful, and then I tried to impress her with my charisma and ROLLED A NATURAL 20! Hot damn! DM says all that means is that she's gone from 'indifferent' to 'helpful' but he made it sound like if I worked on her for a couple more weeks I could get her to go from 'helpful' to 'pantsless'.